Why is my kid screaming? Sensory Processing Disorder, colorblind too

I have three children – they are now old enough to wipe their own butts, tie their own shoes, wash their own private parts which has frankly freed up enough of my time so that I can work again (joy).

At one time in my life I actually had three kids under the age of two and I was way too old for it (36 when I had the last one).  I had twins – and as if that wasn’t intense enough – I managed to get pregnant right after they turned one with a third.  Needless to say, even though I had traveled full-time and been a high-level manager in a very stressful job – this was the hardest thing I had ever done – relentless – and really it still hasn’t ended.  These are the things that even though someone probably told you – you can’t remember when your body is saying “Have a kid….HAVE A KID” – that is what I wanted – A KID (that would be ONE KID) but instead I got three – all at once.  I didn’t go to the grocery store without a second adult for almost five years.

Unlike the twins – who were only 5 lbs. each and looked mostly like wrinkly old people, the third child – a boy was born looking like an angel at a perfectly normal weight of 7 ½ lbs.  He had white blond hair and teal blue eyes.  Cutest thing ever until you watched him for a while.  My sister in law said when he was born, that he was going to be the biggest  problem.  I thought that it was awful that she could think that about a newborn.  Little did  I know….

At the age of two – almost on the dot – one morning he developed an opinion and hasn’t stopped since.

Anyway – I sent him to school – a private school, pre-K when he had just turned four, knowing that he would probably have to repeat because he was barely old enough.  That year our family set records at the school:  First kid in the office at the start of the year.  Only kid in the office on the first day of school. Youngest kid in the office, ever. Most visits to office during year.  Most times sent home during the year.  Most time spent in the office.  Greatest number of children from same family in office on same day.  He  spent so much time in the office – he was featured in the principal’s going away video when he retired.

To be fair – the kid has issues.  First he has two older siblings, not much older than him but bigger and they are twins.  He is the dog on the bottom of the heap.  He holds a grudge and will attack from behind and he is fierce.

He also has respiratory issues, snores, has sleep apnea, unstable blood sugar and still wets the bed at nine.  We discovered after four years of attending the same private school that he was colorblind.  In retrospect I should have known but he didn’t really like to color (for good reason), and in doing some research – I find that most children with colorblindness aren’t discovered until after first grade – sometimes into Junior High – and sometimes not until adulthood.  For a while he colored all the people green. – this bothered the teacher a little but I thought it was because he had been watching the Hulk.  He also sometimes colored things inappropriately.  I thought that he was just doing it “his way” because I would have done it “my way” just to spite the teacher.  Turns out – he can’t tell the difference between red and green, orange and green, purple and blue, sometimes pink and blue or pink and purple, red and black and sometimes doesn’t recognize brown.  This caused a lot of problems in first grade because the teacher would criticize him for doing it “wrong” which really pissed him off.  When I finally discovered it – a lot of things “clicked” and we sent him to public school – hoping for allowances that they are required to grant other kids.

  Predictably his favorite colors are yellow and blue.  

We had a lot of problems that year (first grade).  With a “brilliant” scheduling system, they sent the kids to PE at 10:30 (he had eaten at 6:30 am) – then after they got really hot and sweaty – and hungry, they went to reading with a teacher that didn’t like him anyway.  So we have an angry (because of PE), hot sweaty kid with low blood sugar, who is color blind and being told his coloring was wrong….all while being asked to sit still and be quiet.  Recipe for disaster.  His method of handling it was to throw a freakin’ fit – at which time – I got the call from the school.  At which time he got disciplined.

The kid got thrown out of school at least one day every two weeks, had been expelled for throwing scissors, was referred to two different psychologists, speech therapy, occupational therapy and physicians because of his behavior – they all said there was nothing they could do…he didn’t qualify for a diagnosis…his academic performance was not affected, etc.  For the past 6 years that he has been in school – I  have been called at least twice a week, emailed two or three times, read numerous written messages, and had to pick him up every other week or more often.  Yes we disciplined him.  He always promised to try and have a good day – then he didn’t.  Even we did not understand.

After all these visits, though apparently – they can’t actually officially diagnose his problem(s), in addition to the colorblindness and all the other issues, “Someone” (that would be my High School best friend’s mother who was a kindergarten teacher for over 30 years) identified Sensory Processing Disorder, also called Sensory Perceptive Disorder or Sensory Affective disorder.  SPD can manifest in a number of different ways.  It can involve all of the senses and kids are either overstimulated by the environment or understimulated by the environment – or a mix of both.   It took a call to the woman who gave me and my best friend a bunch of shit for staying out too late to find out what all was wrong with my kid.

This is the kid who wants all of the tags cut out of his clothes, who screams when you put socks on him because the seams aren’t exactly right, screams when you comb his hair, hates to be “pelted” by water in the shower, flinches and screams if you cut his hair, worries with textures of clothing and food – and best of all if he is jostled or bumped, is completely sure that he has been physically attacked by someone else ON PURPOSE.  This coupled with his laziness in speaking, his respiratory issues, sleep disorder, labile blood sugar, hatred of competition and colorblindness has made school very difficult.

He is also an electronic genius – figured out how to use the DVD remote to get to all of the extra features and color the barbie horses on his sister’s dvds with no instruction at the age of two, when mom could barely figure out how to turn the damned thing on.  He excels at video games – much to his older brother’s annoyance.  He might, if given a chance – become a criminal genius – probably a hacker.

None of it was really a problem during the first four years of his life because he was home with mom – and during the day there was no one to fight with, no one who actually cared if he was naked, no one to make him put on shoes or comb his hair, no one to tell him he was wrong and always got fed right when he was hungry.  In short, he got to do pretty much what he wanted or needed and never left mom’s sight because I didn’t trust anyone.

He is nine now – and the issues have diminished some but not completely.  I still get called, emailed, written and occasionally have to pick him up.

SPD, though not officially acknowledged as such, is a very mild form of Asperger’s Disease – a member of the Autism Spectrum disorders.  The problem is that it is “mild” so there is nothing to do.  There is no label, there is no help – there is not anything the school will do to allow for his issues because he doesn’t qualify.  He doesn’t have a Speech Disorder, Mental Retardation, Autism, Asperger’s, ADHD or any other sort of readily identifiable issue which would qualify him for state-mandate allowances.  He just throws fits when things aren’t exactly right.  That’s how he is seen – just a bad kid because they still don’t get it.

The problem with this attitude is that if you tell a kid they are bad enough times – they will be.

You can read more about Sensor Processsing Disorder at The SPD Foundation and about diagnosing children with color-blindness at Colour Blind Awareness and see a pediatric test that kids can do – the Hellmers Test.

Mental Health Issues: It might be you and not “them”

Since last week was Mental Health Week – I know this not because I am self-aware but only because I have seen several postings from Nikki et al at “Moms Who Drink and Swear” – which is a nationally recognized phenomenon now – (a blog, a book and a facebook page – probably soon a cable TV show – since there is so much swearing it has to go on cable), occasionally quite nasty blog, offensive to some but always funny and true –  had several blog postings on the subject of Mental Health. Anyway it made me think – about my own journey – and that of my friends and relatives – and those small-ish and irritating people who suddenly developed an opinion about the age of two.  Also – lets not forget my husband – he has issues too.

According to the National Institutes of Health, about 1 in 4 adults are at any one time suffering from some sort of mental health issue.  As with many government statistics – this is certainly vastly under reported as this is likely based on those who are actually diagnosed – or who answered a survey.  In fact there are certainly thousands and thousands more with issues that they either will not see a doctor about – or refuse to admit it even to themselves – even if family and friends already know.

Unfortunately in today’s judgmental society, admitting that you have a mental disorder can disrupt many facets of your life.  First, it will likely affect your friendships – once your friends know that you have a mental disorder, they can hold it against you – be patronizing – disregard what you say, etc.  It may also affect your family relationships – “if you disagree with me, it must be because you aren’t taking your meds” – “are drunk or high” or “are just plain crazy which is “bull$hit” – or “I must make sure you are limited in your exposure to the outside world and therefore you are not allowed to drive or go anywhere by yourself” – or all of the above.

The worst thing that can likely happen, unlike Kay Jamison’s experience, Carrie Fisher’s experience, and all the other celebrities who “come out” with their mental and emotional issues, supposedly receiving worldwide support – social media will let others know just how sick you are (or not in the case of Anna Nicole) – even if you are getting treatment.  It can affect what college you get into, what job you get or destroy a job you already have.  It can also cause you to be suspect in the world arena – “What if he is about to ‘go off’…does he have a gun, a bomb, a knife? – maybe he will be the next mass murderer….”  Just admit it – all the recent news stories involving people doing weird, dangerous and violent stuff were either later claimed to be suffering from a mental disorder – or they are something much worse.  People “going off” because they are “fed up” must be classified – one way or another.

I am clearly not saying it is ok to “go off” – but I am saying that if you have sought treatment or acknowledge any kind of mental aberration, you are now suspect to being ridiculed, argued with, disregarded , or put on a list if you do so much as disagree with someone – it must be your illness.

The fact is that people disagree, people get angry at other people, people are insecure AND you can’t step outside your door without running into 10 people who have a mental disorder – just most of them haven’t admitted it yet.  EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE has several relatives and several friends who have mental health issues.  You might also have one yourself – maybe you would know about it if you would just be a little bit introspective.  If you can’t look at yourself and see anything wrong, then you definitely have Narcissistic Personality Disorder – which means you also lean toward Borderline Personality disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and possibly are Bipolar or a Sociopath – or maybe just have ADHD.

See there – you are just a hair away from being a Psychopath – all because you can’t see yourself, because you are perfect and everyone around you are the crazy ones.

Truthfully, mental health disorders are vastly underdiagnosed – because they are overstigmatized.  They are also misdiagnosed and overmedicated – particularly in children.  If this irritates you – bear with me a bit.

How many boys (and girls) are diagnosed with ADHD, really just because they can’t go outside and play?  Schools have cut back on PE programs and in some places have outlawed recess or in the case of one public school in New England – have outlawed physical activities on the playground?  A recent issue of new stamps has been recalled because some of the activities were considered “too dangerous”.  These included normal kid activities like skate boarding and riding a bicycle.  How many kids have been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder because they have never been taught to behave.

So now – we put our kids in pillows, never let them eat dirt or bugs – -let them pick their meals (usually chicken nuggets, french fries and soda are the choice), give them more than a hundred vaccines, making their immunity into crap, give them medication for ADHD or ignore their aberrant behavior – then call them names –  but never treat them during teen or early adult years – and we certainly don’t treat their parents because someone might think they are “off”.

For a lot of mental disorders – medication is not the answer.  In many cases, some good common sense – for example – postpartum depression could be handled a lot better if a woman had more help after giving birth – she would get more sleep and benefit from the advice and assistance with new-baby and normal household issues – creating a lot less anxiety.  Our society says – get off your a$$ and get back to work – NO MORE SOUP FOR YOU.

In many cases of ADHD – send them outside – stop tellling them to “be quiet”.  In cases of Narcissism – a swift kick in the butt – you are not the center of the world.  In a lot of cases of chronic depression – set the alarm, open the curtains, get some coffee and get dressed – even if you don’t feel like it – moving will help stimulate the chemicals in your brain.

This is not to disregard the people who need medication or treatment because there are many real cases of AHDH, Autism, depression, bipolar disorder, addiction, schizophrenia etc.and as a pharmacist, I know the medications work, for some – but really my point is to destigmatize the existence of mental health disorders, because nearly everyone has at least one (probably 2 or 3 according to the DSM – if you don’t know what that is, google it since you are probably glued to the internet – this is known as internet addiction and can likely be treated with either an antidepressant or an amphetamine).

Just because someone disagrees with you, gets therapy, takes medication or just plain trips while walking doesn’t mean they are off their meds, crazy, high, drunk, developing medication side effects or are otherwise deranged.

Maybe the problem is that you should be diagnosed or maybe you either get them some help if they need it OR should just shut the fu(k up and mind your own beeswax – the probably weren’t talking to you anyway.